While not something everyone does, and certainly not a requirement, coming out is a major part of many LGBTQIA+ people’s lives. It doesn’t happen just once, but many times in different settings. Wherever you are, you get to make the decision that is right for you, and here are some resources to figure out what that might be.
If you are not out yet and sharing a device or a computer, consider clearing your browser history after looking at these resources so that the search bar doesn’t retain that activity to pop up again later.
Crisis Links:
If you are in crisis and need to speak with someone immediately,
988 is the new number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
LGBTQIA+ Youth under the age of 24 can contact the Trevor Project by texting START to 678-678 or calling 1-866-488-7386
The Trans Lifeline can be reached in the US at (877) 565-8860 and in Canada at (877) 330-6366
Live Another Day has a collection of specific resources available for QTBIPOC people needing Addiction & Mental Health support, as well as a overall helpline at 1-866-860-8622.
Articles and Book Reviews:
20 Things to Know Before You Come Out and How to Go About It by Sian Ferguson and reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph. D., LCSW, CST
Why being transgender is not a sin by Mark Wingfield
Boundaries and being LGBTQ+ by Alicia Brock, The Christian Closet
Non-Affirming Families by Alicia Brock, The Christian Closet
Everyone is Gay is a site that features candid, frank, and sometimes silly responses from LGBTQ+ authors to questions sent in by anonymous contributors between 2011-2018. Their coming out page touches on many different scenarios.
CanyonWalker Connections Book Reviews
Many of us, upon coming out, are handed books by well-meaning people that often contain false ideas that your sexual orientation or gender identity is something that is sinful or can be changed. In Kathy Baldock’s Library, you can read her thoughtful addresses and scriptural fact checking of many of those kinds of titles. As she says: “I read them so you don’t have to.”
Being Outed:
Outing refers to the unfortunate circumstance where someone else, intentionally or not discloses your LGBTQIA+ identity to someone else without your consent. This can be very traumatic and scary, but it is not the end of your story!
Our friends at the Q Christian Fellowship offer up this 5 Step Plan of Care
These two articles provide steps and support for someone who has been outed:
What to Do if You are Outed Before You are Ready by Minus18
How to Survive Being Outed by Jennie Roberson
If you were outed by a school official or other professional, which violates your rights, here is a contact link to the ACLU to learn about your rights to take legal action.
Coming Out Guides and Resources:
The Trevor Project’s Coming Out Handbook is an incredibly detailed guide that asks questions to help you determine your safety plan and resources ahead of any conversations, as well as preparing youth for navigating whatever comes after.
SAGE’s I’m Coming Out: Tips and Resources for Coming Out in Later Life and Coming Out as LGBTQ+ in Adulthood are both supportive resources for adults considering coming out for the first time.
Strong Family Alliance’s Coming Out to Your Parents page
The Human Rights Campaign’s Coming Out Resource Page includes numerous resources including:
Coming Out: Living Authentically as LGBTQ Asian and Pacific Islander Americans
Coming Out: Living Authentically as Black LGBTQ People
Coming Out: Living Authentically as LGBTQ Latinx Americans
Coming Home: To Faith, To Spirit, To Self
Transitioning in the Workplace: a Guide for Trans Employees
Centerlink maintains a searchable listing of LGBTQIA+ Resource Centers within their national network.
It Gets Better has a library of over 60,000 videos made by people of all different identities, from all different backgrounds sharing their stories and offering messages of hope and reassurance.
Mental Health:
The National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network seeks to make finding affirming care for queer and trans people of color easier, in addition to providing support and training to other organizations at the intersections of mental health and social justice.
imi, a project of Centerlink and the It Gets Better Project is a series of virtual guides designed to help LGBTQIA+ youth learn about mental health and explore their identity.
Prevail Recovery Center has created this list of mental health and recovery resources for Black LGBTQIA+ people. A similar list of resources is available through Centric Behavioral Health for Asian American and Pacific Islander LGBTQIA+ people.
The Christian Closet is a team of LGBTQ counselors and coaches that provide mental health services virtually, so that you don’t have to chose between someone who gets your faith or your sexual orientation/gender identity. Their active blog is a fantastic resource, addressing topics like setting boundaries, navigating a wedding without affirming family, and deconstructing harmful ideas of faith.
NOT Coming Out:
The whiteness of ‘coming out’: culture and identity in the disclosure narrative
National Black Justice Coalition ‘Inviting In’ Toolkit
I’m a ‘cut-sleeve’: Coming out from a POC perspective
You don’t have to come out if you’re LGBTQ+- here’s why
Supporting Someone Coming Out:
So your child just came out, what should you do? is a video by the Strong Family Alliance to give parents a place to begin.
The Strong Family Alliance’s Parent Guide provides information and assistance to help parents support their child after coming out.
Supporting Someone Coming Out by Belong To
Supporting the Transgender People in Your Life: A Guide to Being a Good Ally by the National Center for Transgender Equality
How to Support Someone who Comes Out to you as LGBTQ+ by GoodRx
The Family Acceptance Project website hosts a Resource Library dedicated to helping families accept their LGBTQ+ members. Under Evidence Based Resources is their 2020 Faith Communities & Well-Being of LGBTQ Youth Guide.
Centerstone’s Supporting Someone who comes out as LGBTQ+ is a simple guide for folks of any relationship to the person coming out.
Freed Hearts provides a great deal of resources, including unpacking some of the scriptures previously used to harm LGBTQIA+ people.
PFLAG is the oldest and largest organization of family members supporting their LGBTQIA+ relatives, with local chapters holding in person meetings all over the country. Need Support? Find a Chapter
Straight for Equality, a project of PFLAG, has guides for allies within schools, workplaces and healthcare settings. Their Faith Ally Materials page contains guides and tips for being an ally within a context of faith.